I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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