At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
