i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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