if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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