its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
