My Higher Power is John Stamos
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
