Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize