just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
