when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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