smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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