Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
