I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My dick has a subreddit
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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