I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
