I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
