How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
