do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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