just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
