How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
