I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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