i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
