Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize