Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
soo... how was my night?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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