walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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