i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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