Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
