Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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