I am in a vortex of obligation.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
