my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
