as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
send nudes
from the living room?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
