look no pants
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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