1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize