I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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