i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
