Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
