If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
