Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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