i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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