I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
