Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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