Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
