She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
