MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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