i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
