oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
