I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
