I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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