Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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