Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
