Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
