So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
