literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
