I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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