i just had sex bonerless
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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