There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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