Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize