According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
