Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
