So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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