legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
