I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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