actually, I'm a sock model
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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