Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
