I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
this just has baby written all over it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
