I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
