I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
