Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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