Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
