what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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