Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up under a house in Key West
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
