it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
