I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
