So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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