Sober January is a disaster.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
