People in love make me want to vomit
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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