I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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