Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize