Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
