There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
