the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
