maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
