Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I need moral support for this bender
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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