P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
