It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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