Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
