He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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