I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We're too hungover to prance.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
