walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have feelings that need drinking.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
