and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
