well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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