Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
