What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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