dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
