Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She's JV to your varsity
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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