haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
