I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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