i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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