he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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