Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
wanna go halves on a baby?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Randomize
