I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
