dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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