strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
