not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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