He disabled his match.com account in front of me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
