God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
