I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
