I should be sponsored by Trojan
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
